It's been quite a week for me, this past week. I'm sorry for the lack of updates here but I did update my status of being via Facebook which is rare for me.
But strangely, I started to find a "life" via FB and it does help with their range of games to take my mind off things as well.
In a nutshell, this is what I've posted on the SingaporeMotherHood forum thread on just last Tuesday
"Hi fellow mummies,
I went to the gynae earlier on today in the morning...when I saw the monitor of the scan as my gynae scanned me, my heart sank and I knew immediately before the gynae could say anything. My pregnancy is non-viable. The cavity where the fetus is supposed to be is still empty... based on LMP, I'm in the 9th week or if it was really early, 7 weeks. I had no prior spotting/bleeding whatsoever other than the usual pregnancy symptoms like MS and sore/heavy boobs.
My gynae sent me to go for another round of scan at the AMC (Antenatal Monitoring Centre) department just outside the clinic for a 2nd opinion from the sonographer...while waiting to be scanned again, tears just kept flowing though I remained strangely calm.
I'm scheduled for a vacuation of the womb early tomorrow morning, so for most of you by the time you've read this (at work), I would be having the procedure done ... I'm feeling sad but not hysterical, I guess the fetus was not a healthy one or maybe had a blighted ovum which I can still have the pregnancy symptoms...
But I will not give up on trying for #2, will take time to rest and see when is the best time to TTC again. Especially now I'm in the midst of settling my house stuff i.e. selling, buying and moving...
And after the procedure that I had and found time to share this next posting:
"Hi mummies I'm back home after the procedure. Hb brought me out for a quick lunch of some comfort food and some retail therapy which helped...we talked about what happened, how I cried just right before the procedure as I was walking into the OT and how he had cried when he was at home. - it's our form of grieving for the final closure on this chapter
I'm feeling much better now, somehow, I'm at peace with everything, though tears had flowed while I griefed for that moment. The love of a mother for her unborn child, empty sac or not, is a supernatural thing and that I cannot deny. It was when my gynae popped his face in front of mine, I knew he had arrived for the procedure and that the time had come, I started crying quietly, but before I started crying uncontrollably I was breathing in the oxygen while they administered the G.A.
I really Praise God for a speedy recovery from the G.A with no side effects, even able to eat some biscuits and drink hot milo soon after I'm conscious. I know it takes time to heal and I will rest and have the mini confinement my mom is preparing for me."
Right now, I'm feeling much much better though I've requested a break from my DT assignments for the time being, while I'm allowing my body recover from the procedure.
I just know within that I'm at peace with what had happened and at rest in the Lord that its all in His hands. I know and believe that He never meant this to happen and I've never questioned the Lord "Why??"
I've been through enough of tougher times to know that the Lord is ever faithful to see me through whatever comes my way and I've witnessed the countless times that He had always turn things round for my good.
It's like the verse that says ," He causes ALL things (the good, the bad and ugly) to work for our good, to those who love Him" the bracket insertion of words being my own.
And I just know and believe within my heart that His restoration is already taken place, right from the moment I walked into the OT for the procedure to be done.
What the Lord restores and returns in 7-fold/100-fold, it would be totally blessed and GOOD! So I'm looking forward to my being pregnant again when the gynae had given the go-ahead after having let the womb rest for awhile.
Thank you all my friends for the love and smses that you had dropped in for me the past week. I'm really blessed by your kind words and the love that you have given me.